Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
