is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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