Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
