god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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