Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
