I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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