Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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