mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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