my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
