yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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