Need sex. Gaining weight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
