She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
