Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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