Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
