you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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