I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
