So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
