just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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