I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
