are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
