defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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