dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
