your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I party with great urgency now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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