believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
