there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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