woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
