her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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