I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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