from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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