Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
