3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
this hospital has no fireball
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
