Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
