The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
