Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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