Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
