The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
