I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
