You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
