Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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