he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
