Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
sex in a hospital.. check
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
