soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize