Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
