my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize