**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
