I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize