I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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