I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
