she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
