so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
