you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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