Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
