I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
did i walk over a car last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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