I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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