Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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