Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
