HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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