She said her name was "party"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still dying that you shit outside
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
