I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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