My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
