He kissed a someone with a penis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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