We got so high we made milksteak
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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