Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
