I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
