her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
