I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize