In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
