My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
