We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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