I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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