I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
