just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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