he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
