i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
