Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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