Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
