You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
