what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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