everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
