she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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