i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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