My room smells like vodka and shame
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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