oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
