Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
