You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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