We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
