Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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