and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
