The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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