Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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