If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
