i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
