oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
