his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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