erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
