Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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