if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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