I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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