Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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