Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
