if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
